I HAVE FLEA'S

Mom has been inspecting my belly lately and holding me down and pintching little things off me and I had no idea why. Today she took me to the VET. That is the worst place in the whole world. My doctor is pretty nice but he tried to weigh me today and I would not let him. (Do you have any idea how much Turkey I ate this Thanksgiving?) So the doctor gave up, and put me up on this high slippery table. I almost fell off, thank goodness mom was holding me tight. Then I got this cold smelly goo poured on my back, it gave me the willies to feel it creep all over my skin. The doctor pulled mom aside and told her that I have a really bad case of the fleas. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT FLEA'S!!! They are itchy and taste bad and make all my good smelling beds need to be washed. I bet I got them in New Bedford. Those dogs there are going to pay next time I go back. I am going to bring them a great smelly case of Girrardia! Take that. I am now going to run and hide my favorite toy before mom finds it and tries to wash it! Lets hope I stop itching by tommorow.

Mom is back East

Finally,the week I have waited for mom is comming to an end. I get to get back in the truck and ride with Jude and mom to New york city. The place where there is no grass, no eating off a fork and endless hours waiting for mom to come home from work. It is all worth it because of the time that I do get to spend with mom one on one. And my apartment is all mine, there is no waiting on line for the same patch of grass to pee on, there is no shared attention, (all the attention goes to me). And I get to lick the sweat off of Frank's neck after his bike rides. I have so much to tell mom about; the hole I found in the Fence in the yard in New Bedford, and how now me and the cat are friends, and that even though I spent the whole week waiting for mom to come home I stil had a good time without her. Thanks mom for the best first Thanksgiving without you!

Old Town San Diego causes drunk dial

While mom is in Old Town, San Diego, I am in Old Fashioned New Bedford, Mass. Who is luckier? I heard that Frank is in St. Louis, I wonder how that is? Anyway, Mom called Frank cause she had went out with her mom and her mom's cousin and they went and ate way too much Mexican food in Old Town, San Diego. Old Town is a few miles away from the border to Mexico. The food is authentic to the max and since Mexican food is mom's favorite food you could guess she was is heaven. Mom told Frank on the phone that her mom was trying to get her to buy hot pink Ugg boots in a small store in Old Town, for the NYC winter for when she walks me. What the hell are Ugg boots and why should mom have them for me? I did a little research online about Uggs and I found out they are from Australia and that they are really good boots and work really well in cold weather. But i heard that now people in California made them popular, and they are not so cool anymore. As it turns out they are not the foot wear to wear, if you live in a warm climate. Frank hates them soo much, espically when girls wear them with short skirts. He says they look stupid with bare legs and sweating feet. I understand that, I have only my tounge to keep me cool when mom forgets to give me a hair cut. So, drunk mom tries to be pursuaded to buy ugg boots by her mom, calls Frank to give her support to not have to buy Ugg boots, all the while I am sitting in the cold waiting for my fur to grow back so I don't have to think about needing to camp out in a pair of Ugg boots to keep warm.

Oh my gosh I ate way too much!!!!

I am soo excited, I am soo excited, I am soo excited. I stuffed my face. I even got a chair at the table. I got Turkey, stuffing, gravey, sweet potatos and cranberry sause all on my own plate. Eat that Mom. I sat at the dog's table, and was the king of the animals caust I could eat the most. Even Bebe the pit bull lab could not eat as much as me. Thanksgiving is the best holiday, and it is now to be remembered by John and Noreen cause they are now engaged.

Mom missed her plane

Ok so I should not laugh but. . . Mom called Pauline (my surrogate mom for the week) and told her that she may be picking me up early cause they missed their plane. How do you miss your plane the day before thanksgiving. Everyone knows that that is one of the busiest travel days in the whole year. What a crule thing to taunt me with. I got all excited that mom may be comming back to New Bedford that I peed right on the floor, and got sick to my stomach and puked up the Wendy's burger that was fed to me earlier in the day. As it turns out she was able to get on a later flight and not have to pay a fee. So I guess I peed for nothing, and will still be having my first Thanksgiving without her.

New Bedford Mass is the kingdom I've always wanted

I am free to run, I am free to pee in the house, and I am allowed to eat off Pauline's fork. Mom has no idea how spoiled I am right now. I have no rules. Yukie and Zion went back to New York today with Alicia and Jude, so I am left alone with Bebe the lab and Pauline (Alicia'a mom). I eat off her fork at the table and she does not make me sit first. I get to run around in her yard for hours and eat grass. I never really knew what grass was untill a few days ago. I am so used to NYC sidewalk, but grass settles my stomach. I snuck down to Pauline's bacement and met the Cat today, and wow that was weird. I had a positive expirence, but I almost got my eye clawed out. I guess I can't blame the cat I would claw eyes out if my privates were sniffed by something other than a dog. More later I have to go explore New Bedford more ( I found a hole in the fence).

Mom shipped me to New Bedford

I was put in a truck (I am a city Dog) and taken on a 4 hour ride with Mom and Alicia to New Bedford Mass. To Begin, I got really car sick, I am really not used to to movements in a car, and right as mom was told to pull over to McDonalds by Alicia, I could not hold back and I let loose on mom's leg. I feel bad but she really had it comming since she did not warn me that I was about to go in a car for a long trip. After I got my car legs, the trip was over and I was dumped into a house with what really is a pack of dogs. There is Yukie the Huskie, Zion the pit bull, Bebe the lab pit mix, and Bodie the Mut. I am a Bichon Frise and and the smallest among the Mix. I learned the hard way that you have to earn rank. The other dogs like to pick me up by my neck and throw me across the yard. I found out the the fence in the yard has a hole and am debating climbing under to prove to them I can outwit the humans. Speaking of humans I heard them talking about the fact that Mom was going away to California and would be back in a week, and am just now realizing that it is Piggy against New Bedford for a while. I just hope that mom comes back soon, and or Frank can come and rescue me cause I don't know for how long I can hold my own.

Little Giant Is The Best Thing Ever

Little Giant
Originally uploaded by piggyreese.

Mom and Frank went to "Little Giant" a restaurant owned by Frank's regular customer, Tasha. Mom ate steak and brought nothing home to me! To retaliate, I took a poop on the bathroom floor. Next time she'll think twice before leaving the restaurant without a doggy bag.

Positive-Male-Role-Model Frank Cancels Cause He Feels Like Puking

Positive Male Role Model Frank was supposed to come over and cook dinner for mom tonight, but he cancelled at the last minute. He clearly doesn't have the antiseptic saliva or indestructable stomach that I do, otherwise the poorly cooked Italian sausage would have done nothing to him. Instead, he had to stay home and feel like crap. Here's hoping he doesn't have to see his lunch again.

mom no longer gets free food

Tonight was mom's last night working at Snack (the Greek restaurant). I am happy that now her nights are free, but I am more sad that the unlimited supply of feta cheese is now comming to an end. Not only am I a big fan of Spinich Pie like Frank (it's a popeye thing), but I really loved the fact I could smell Mom's day on her and try and lick off every speck of food spray. Little does she know that she gets food sprayed on her clothes in the weirdest of places, such as the back of the knee and the end of her wrist and the nape of her neck. I just love to sit on her lap and lick her to death. It is a different adventure every day!! Tonight she came home and told me that Frank and Josh came and ate dinner. I don't know this Josh character very well but from what Mom says (besides him being really late to dinner) he is a stand up guy. All I know is that He is a Friend of Frank's, and any friend of Frank's is a friend of mine. Listen all it comes down to at the end of the day is that Feta cheese came into my life and Mom shared her love of it with me. I guess from now on we will have to pay for our food.

All I wanted was for voice mail to be free

As I watch mom bitch and moan about the fact that her phone bill is way over every month, I can't help but think that If she just used the phone when she really needed it all would be well. I guess that is always easier said than done. Everything is easier said than done. Mom came home telling me about the fact that the men she was bartending were not treating her right. I think that the avoidence tactic is the best. Frank taught me to walk away at the right moment. Frank says that if someone is talking to you and you know that they are going to continue to talk just laugh and clap your hands and walk away down the bar away from the offender. The person talking gets the hint to shut up cause they snap back to reality and remember that you are at work and they remember you can't talk to them all the time. And it also gives the other person a second to reavaluate their situation and decide to shut up just in time, before they make themselves uncomfortable. That's why when you don't want to answer your phone no one should have to pay for the fact that you and the world needs a time out sometimes.

I can smell the turkey in the air

The Fall season is making Mom stir crazy. Yesterday she ran around the house like me when she first brought me home, or more like a turkey with it's head cut off. Thankfully Frank came to the rescue again. He came over at just the right time, right as she was trying to make me dance the Tango. Dog's don't dance. He made her leave the house and for the first time I was really glad to be left aone. I got a lot of work done on this blog, and finished the book "The devil wears Prada" before Mom could. That book made me understand why Mom has been so crazy lately. The horror of "Andrea's" situation really can scare the crap out of you. I got so scared that by the time Mom and Frank came back to my apartment, all I wanted to do was sit on them and cuddle, and thank God I am not a Turkey.

No More Colin Powell

Well, so much for Colin Powell. He disgraced himself and our country in front of the United Nations and drove us into an illegal war but he made really good chili. His diplomacy and chili will be sorely missed.

Just as tragic is the breakup of Lindsey Lohan with her boyfriend, Wilmer Valderrama full story here

I Got a Mohawk and Mom's Leaving Me

She thinks that I don't know that she and Frank are going away to our Nations Capital. I saw her packing her bag and shopping for a gift for his parents. Little does mom know that I have been planning a relaxing weekend of my own. Ever since she strapped me down and gave me this mohawk I have been getting longing barks from all the neighborhood girl dogs. I have finally made my choice and the bitch from downstairs is coming up for a slumber party. I have stocked up on treats and today mom washed the bathroom floor so that emberessing odor is gone. Now all I have to worry about how my little hot friend is getting into the apartment. . .

My Loaned-Out Rosary Ends Up On the Outskirts of Falluja

Look, everyone who reads this blog knows that I'm a neutured dog who supports our troops, but this is not how I expected to do it. I've been pen-palling with marines in the 4th Infantry Division who WERE stationed outside of Baquba. One of them lost a rosary, I mentioned that I had an extra, they said they'd love to have it, I send it and BOOM, they mount it on thier freaking tank! Though I didn't specify, I was expecting it to go around someone's neck, maybe it would be hung over a rear view mirror or even mushed up in a clump in someone's back pocket. That rosary is cheap plastic, I'm afraid they're going to break it while doing house to house constantly shooting 80mm rounds into hospitals and water treatment plants.

Doesn't she look just like Laura cleaning up my pee

Positive-Male-Role-Model Frank came over today. He was injured in his butt from his bike. They closed the door on me and were doing who knows what. I decided to take that time to collect my thoughts while scratching on the door and peeing on the bathroom floor. Mom's going to clean it up with paper towels, as is her wont.

Older and Wiser Laura

Mom got home last night after work to watch the last two episodes of "Law and Order". She seemed to be buzzing pretty hard on red wine and her nicotine patch. While she was eating her tatziki from work and periodically yelling out the names of actors that she knew, I noticed just how much more grounded and wise she seemed. Happy birthday indeed.
In unrelated anything, I was bored and found another Laura Cass in Springfield Texas.

Happy Birthday Laura

What Would Joey Fatone Do?

Joey Fatone would soldier on, that's what Joey Fatone would do. Sure things look bleak now, but hey, things looked bleak for Joey Fatone after N Sync broke up, but Joey Fatone picked up the pieces and moved on. He did RENT, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and a bunch of other stuff. In the wake of Kerry defeat, I've drawn a lot of strength from Joey Fatone. It's a lesson we can all learn from.

"Oh Loss Upon Loss" (King Lear Act IV Sc. iii)

I spent most of yesterday listening to NPR and feeling shitty. I was so goddamned upset, I took a shit on the bathroom tile and then tore up a whole roll of paper towels and sptread them around the apartment. This is fucking awful. First I lose my testicles, now this.

It's just not fair, it's Just not fucking fair.

Happy Voting Day

GET YOUR ASS TO YOUR POLLING PLACE AND VOTE!

Yeah, That's The Guy I'm Endorsing

Yeah, That's The Guy I'm Endorsing
Originally uploaded by piggyreese.

I know, I know, I'm supposed to be objective, but you know, I look at all the exposure that this blog gets and I get all of these e-mails from readers saying "Piggy man, who are you voting for/who should I vote for?" So here he is, this is the guy I'm voting for.
Yeah he's only 27 years old, yeah he's killed scores of asian people, and yes, I've heard the rumors about the size of his wang and how the sheer size of it might interfere with his ability to lead, but I still think he would be better than Bush. So here it is, my official endorsement. Vote Kerry.
To find out your polling place address go here)
That being said, let's move on to more important things, like the fact that novelist Pamela Anderson is going to be coming out with her SECOND BOOK in time for Christmas. Sure she's doing with a ghost writer, but apparently they worked very closely together (yeah whadda you THINK I mean) and it's written in her voice. You can buy your own copy of "Star: A Novel" at Amazon. I encourage you all to give it the serious attention it deserves.