Sometimes it is easier to have someone tell you what to do, than have to figure it out for yourself.
We are not talking a dictator ship, maybe more of a mentor teacher type person to come in and take an interest in mom's life.
All mom wants is for someone to manage her money, to tell her what choices to make in terms of jobs and her future. And to help her figure out what it is she wants to do and be when she grows up.
It all should be simple right?
It would be if mom did not decide that she needed to work and be in the arts. And feel that every job she has that is not in that category just puts her farther away from this goal that she does not even know anymore.
You know you are about to have a breakdown when:
you tell people your job and you are embarrassed.
You make up white lies to make your life sound better.
You live in the past and just stall and put focus on weird stuff in the present to make it all not see such a big deal.
Getting paid to do what you love, should be easy. If mom wanted to be a doctor/professor/librian/restaurant owner there are career paths with ladder rungs to climb up.
There is no ladder in mom's way. She has to invent one to climb and can't figure out what it's focus will be.
She has so many can not's and dislikes and stipulations that it's almost impossible for her to find something that she does not mind doing in the meantime while she searches for what she wants to be doing forever.
Too bad going back to school to hide is to expensive a detour.
Where is the easy button, does that only exist in 5th grade?
The time when you are smart enough to plan your future but young enough to have your parents still tell you what to do, and how to achieve your goals?
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Monday, November 28, 2005
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24 comments:
I feel your mother's pain.
It's a very tough row to hoe these days if you've got half a brain and you're not at peace working for a Corporation. Forget having something as engaged as a teacher, we don't even have role-models as far as I can tell.
There's that Zen proverb about the teacher appearing when the student is ready, but it hasn't happened for me yet.
And it gets worse. Pretty soon you'll end up in a position where you're supposed to give other people guidance and leadership. Holy fucking shit.
Uggghh.. Its frightening when you realize that what you thought you wanted to do isn't at all what your happy doing.
I agree with this post 500%.
The older I get, the less I know what I want to do with my life. Where I want to live, if/when I want to get married, what kind of career I want. I used to know. And even though what I wanted changed, I always knew. Now I have some vague idea, but that idea becomes more and more vague every day.
You're not alone.
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